so explain again why im purple
no
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
