I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
