i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
