I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
