Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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