So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
