i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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