My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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