you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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