I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
