I wanna bring you to show and tell
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
