These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
