Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
