Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
The best revenge is premature balding
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
