Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
