I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
i think i just lost a toe
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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