I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
