I must be too annoying 4 u.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
