I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
