So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
