Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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