You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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