Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
