oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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