never play flip cup with pint glasses
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
