i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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