im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
