This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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