I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
