I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
