I can text with my tongue
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
