I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
