bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
