i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
