Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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