so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
