i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
