So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
