Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I think my fart just growled at me.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
