The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
