Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
