she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
