kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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