I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
