Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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