We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My room smells like vodka and shame
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
