So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
