everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
