after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
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Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
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Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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