I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize