Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
