Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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