i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
