She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
