so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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