yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
