good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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