evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
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Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
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I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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