get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
