I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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