Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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