Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
