He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
