I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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