Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
