don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
