I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
