dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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