she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
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