I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
