i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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