i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
