How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
thus making me awesome and them whores
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
