I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
