Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
