Plan B is the new Plan A
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
