Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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