Whats the glycemic index on semen?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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